you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
