every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
