you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize