Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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