the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
