help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
