im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
