Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
