My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
