Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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