This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
