He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize