I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
