Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
is wine microwaveable?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
