I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
