can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
