This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
