Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
