she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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