32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
