my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This is classic penis vs brain.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
