i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We need a shit load of segways right now
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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