I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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