are you still at the devil's house?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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