I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
