no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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