What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
