Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
