I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She even gives head with a lisp.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
