I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
