The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
