I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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