someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize