new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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