Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize
