yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
