moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize