I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
