right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
