I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize