So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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