Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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