So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
