Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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