Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize