those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
