remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
