It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
this is an emotional support booty call
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize