why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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