I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
