Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
