haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
