my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
