I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
