I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
