they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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