ya dads aren't the best wingmen
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
