the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
