Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
