I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
