I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
