i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
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