I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
