dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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