My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
