An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
