I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
