i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
