I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
