i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
