if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
