Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize