i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
