So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
