party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
