tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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