a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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