Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
So. Much. Porn.
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