thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
