Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
