he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
