end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
