She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
