She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
