I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
