Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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