Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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