We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
