Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
