It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
