You work out of a Hotel?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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