Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
