We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
