i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just come out here and I will go home with you...
no, he came in my armpit
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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