Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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