I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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