he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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