ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
