I have demons in me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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